I like writing my thoughts down here. It allows me to process stuff that I am thinking and from people's comments to me, it sometimes let's people know that they are not alone in their thoughts, and through that, it let's me know that because they think similar things that my thoughts are not crazy. It also allows me to write long run-on sentences like the one previous to this one.
Some people have told me that I should write a more comprehensive collection of thoughts like this. Some people would call that a book. I would call it a collection of thoughts because if I told people and myself that I was going to write a book I think I would sound like a guy who thinks they have some sort of knowledge about stuff. I would think that guy would sound like he thought he knew what was going on, and since I don't and I just think stuff, I wouldn't like anyone to think I was telling them that I thought I was better than them, thereby giving me the right to write a book.
That all being said, I'm going to write a book this year. It's going to be an expanded look at some of the thoughts I thought in my blog here, and it's going to also have some other thoughts that I need to get down before they fade into the shadows of my mind. Things about marriage, parenting, faith, teaching and whatever else I need to sort out. The fact that some of the stuff is already fading in certain ways is encouraging, because that means that my life has hope and purpose, but really scary and sad, because so much of my life with Krista was awesome. I feel like I need to sort that out before I can enter the next stage of my life. Whatever that means. I feel like I need to write things that are meaningful to me so that if I ever enter into another relationship I remember what important things I have been taught this past while. I also want my kids to know their mother in a positive and real way, and maybe someday when they may want to read their old dad's thoughts about crisis, they can understand it in a way that explains to them why I was the way I was when they were young.
I'm going to shutdown Facebook for awhile. (Although from time to time I will probably use it to contact people who don't have twitter or I don't have your other info...) It is such a great way for me to have fun connecting with many of the people I know and love, but I feel like I have been connecting with that area of my life more than I have been connecting with God. My faith in God is so important to me as you would know if you read any of these things the past while. I feel like when I am talking to other people via e-mail, Twitter, Facebook, Text, phone more than I am talking to God then even though it is a good thing, I need to reexamine my use of those things and I think Facebook needs to beat it for awhile. If anyone wants to get a hold of me I will obviously be available on all those other things. (@jheiding is my Twitter handle)
I'll probably still blog from time to time (not that any of you are waiting on bated breath for a blog post...) but I feel like this is something I am supposed to do and it's probably going to take a lot of work because I sometimes have a hard time finishing what I set out to do. If you could pray for me, (if you are the praying type) that would be great because as I am writing this it all seems a bit silly to me that I would set out on something like this.
Please be sure that I do not think I know more than anyone else, I just like talking with people. I just do. I know that a book is more like talking at people, but I think it's a great way to share my experience with other people that have had something similar, and that way, we all get a little closer because there are a lot of similarities between all of us.
Anyway, if you read this blog from time to time I really do appreciate it, and appreciate the encouragement that many of you have been to me as I chuck thoughts out there. Here we go...
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
Friday, 16 November 2012
Whatever You Want To Eat Christmas Eve Supper
Anybody ever notice that when you get a new vehicle or phone, or something like that, that you start noticing other people who have the same thing you have? I started noticing so many other minivans like mine, that I had never noticed before I purchased the Swagger wagon.
When Krista passed away I originally thought that I was the only one in my position, when really I wasn't at all. I started to hear multiple stories about people right in my town who had very similar situations to me. One of my friends had lost her husband a few months before I lost Krista. Her kids were "grown" (as they say) but both of us were feeling similar things so we helped to start a group for people who lost their spouses. It was more focused on people who lost their spouses and were still raising kids. It was extremely helpful to join together to discuss what we were each going through. Relationships are so important in life.
I recently had two separate conversations talking to two different friends of mine who had lost their husbands in very tragic accidents. The accidents were pretty recent in their lives and they are working out so many similar things that I have thought about. (For the record, I am in awe of both of these women because they are awesome and they love their kid(s) and are doing the best they can in their situations. They are so great.)We have had multiple conversations but these discussions were focused on Christmas. We were discussing the what's, how's, where's, and why's of how we approach this holiday in light of our changed circumstances, and all the emotions that goes with those thoughts.
Krista loved Christmas. Our tree was always up by the third week of November. (If any of you are lactose intolerant be prepared to get bloated because it's going to get a little cheesy for some of you, but I really like cheese especially if it's used in the right recipe, or context, whatever, I'm digressing too much...) Even though I don't like hauling all the decorations up, I do love once the house is decorated and there are tons of white mini-lights on the tree and on the top of our cupboards. Drinking peppermint tea out of a really nice red Christmas mug just tastes better for some reason. The ambiance the decorations provide makes me feel safe and cozy. (Cheese over.) We decorated last weekend, not because I necessarily wanted too, but because we had a long weekend it was the best time before the crazy busy time between late November and Christmas.
I don't know if love for Christmas is genetic, but the other day Grace made a very strong case for it. (She inherited it from her mother of course.) Jaxon asked me, "Dad, why are we putting up all this stuff right now?" Grace, in the cutest, little Cindy-Lou Who voice says, "It's never too early to start getting ready for Christmas." (Tear in my eye due to the cuteness. (By the way, that's not going to work when she wants a car when she's 16, "It's never to early to start asking Daddy for a car." Actually Grace, yes, yes it is...))
Some of you reading this right now may hate Christmas and all the jazz that goes with it. Maybe you had a rough event happen in your life at this time. Maybe you have lost someone and it was never the same after. Maybe you don't like the money grubbing marketers and the business that Christmas has become. (I can agree with you there.) Maybe you don't like that it's called Christmas because you don't believe in Christ. (I can disagree with you there.) If you don't like Christmas you probably have a reason.
I have already established that I enjoy Christmas time and so did Krista. I really had to sort out some questions about how my family was going to approach the first Christmas without Krista. I had no idea. I did know that I wanted to stay in Lethbridge and have the family come here for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day because it was easier with Soph being 4 months old. That wasn't the only reason though. I also wanted to be in that space because I needed to feel whatever emotions came. I needed to know what I was going to go through without her during this time, in this space, in our home. That was what I needed, others may need different things to deal with our hurts, but that was what I needed. Even though I wanted to take it all in, I didn't want to make it an inevitably crappy time. I did not want all of our Christmas time as a family to be negative, but I didn't know what I was going to do.
After Krista passed away, my family received some money from friends, family, and supportive people to hire a cleaner for a once a week clean job of the house. Just to help me out. It's not like I had never cleaned before, or that I was a slob, it's that it is so busy with a newborn and a couple other ones, that they knew it would be a blessing for me. IT WAS. Dang that was gold. Kristina came to clean my house and helped me not only in practical "My house is clean, thank the Lord!" kinds of ways, but we would have great talks about life and moving forward and about good books that helped us out. (sidenote: her husband Mark, is a great photographer and all around good guy too.) One day we had a talk about Christmas and traditions.
Traditions are something I knew Krista loved. She very much wanted our family to have traditions the kids could look back on with fondness. (yep I just used fondness...) I did not want the first Christmas without Krista to be a Christmas where the only new tradition was the fact that mom wasn't there and we sat around crying with no hope. I think we can all agree that a tradition like that would have been garbage. Kristina mentioned to me that her family had a tradition of a "Whatever You Want To Eat" meal. Literally she said, each person would pick a food and they would make whatever people wanted, put it all on the table and people could have at the whole lot. I LOVED that idea. I don't know if Kristina knew this, but her idea helped my family through that first Christmas. Now, every Christmas Eve we have this meal. This crazy meal. The first one included, mashed potatoes (Grace), pepperoni pizza (Jax), lobster (my mom, dad, and me), formula (Soph just had that, no one else was partial to formula...) and I honestly can't remember what else, but I remember we had a good time coming together as a family to make it all. We did something that we worked together on, and it was fun. It was also a tradition, something I knew Krista would have loved, and that made me feel great. Well, greater than I would have felt otherwise.
Don't get me wrong, that first Christmas, and every Christmas we have had since Krista, has been a bit strange in my heart, but we still have good in it. There is love in it. I hope that if you hate this season for whatever reason, that you can break out of it, even just a little, with something new for you. I think this probably goes for any/every season you have a hard time dealing with. Sometimes each day is hard to deal with when we are going through uncertainty. I hope and pray you have a chance to change your routine in a way that dissipates your pain. If not, you're invited over for the Heidinger, "Whatever You Want To Eat Christmas Eve Supper." We're always ready for some new guests...
When Krista passed away I originally thought that I was the only one in my position, when really I wasn't at all. I started to hear multiple stories about people right in my town who had very similar situations to me. One of my friends had lost her husband a few months before I lost Krista. Her kids were "grown" (as they say) but both of us were feeling similar things so we helped to start a group for people who lost their spouses. It was more focused on people who lost their spouses and were still raising kids. It was extremely helpful to join together to discuss what we were each going through. Relationships are so important in life.
I recently had two separate conversations talking to two different friends of mine who had lost their husbands in very tragic accidents. The accidents were pretty recent in their lives and they are working out so many similar things that I have thought about. (For the record, I am in awe of both of these women because they are awesome and they love their kid(s) and are doing the best they can in their situations. They are so great.)We have had multiple conversations but these discussions were focused on Christmas. We were discussing the what's, how's, where's, and why's of how we approach this holiday in light of our changed circumstances, and all the emotions that goes with those thoughts.
Krista loved Christmas. Our tree was always up by the third week of November. (If any of you are lactose intolerant be prepared to get bloated because it's going to get a little cheesy for some of you, but I really like cheese especially if it's used in the right recipe, or context, whatever, I'm digressing too much...) Even though I don't like hauling all the decorations up, I do love once the house is decorated and there are tons of white mini-lights on the tree and on the top of our cupboards. Drinking peppermint tea out of a really nice red Christmas mug just tastes better for some reason. The ambiance the decorations provide makes me feel safe and cozy. (Cheese over.) We decorated last weekend, not because I necessarily wanted too, but because we had a long weekend it was the best time before the crazy busy time between late November and Christmas.
I don't know if love for Christmas is genetic, but the other day Grace made a very strong case for it. (She inherited it from her mother of course.) Jaxon asked me, "Dad, why are we putting up all this stuff right now?" Grace, in the cutest, little Cindy-Lou Who voice says, "It's never too early to start getting ready for Christmas." (Tear in my eye due to the cuteness. (By the way, that's not going to work when she wants a car when she's 16, "It's never to early to start asking Daddy for a car." Actually Grace, yes, yes it is...))
Some of you reading this right now may hate Christmas and all the jazz that goes with it. Maybe you had a rough event happen in your life at this time. Maybe you have lost someone and it was never the same after. Maybe you don't like the money grubbing marketers and the business that Christmas has become. (I can agree with you there.) Maybe you don't like that it's called Christmas because you don't believe in Christ. (I can disagree with you there.) If you don't like Christmas you probably have a reason.
I have already established that I enjoy Christmas time and so did Krista. I really had to sort out some questions about how my family was going to approach the first Christmas without Krista. I had no idea. I did know that I wanted to stay in Lethbridge and have the family come here for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day because it was easier with Soph being 4 months old. That wasn't the only reason though. I also wanted to be in that space because I needed to feel whatever emotions came. I needed to know what I was going to go through without her during this time, in this space, in our home. That was what I needed, others may need different things to deal with our hurts, but that was what I needed. Even though I wanted to take it all in, I didn't want to make it an inevitably crappy time. I did not want all of our Christmas time as a family to be negative, but I didn't know what I was going to do.
After Krista passed away, my family received some money from friends, family, and supportive people to hire a cleaner for a once a week clean job of the house. Just to help me out. It's not like I had never cleaned before, or that I was a slob, it's that it is so busy with a newborn and a couple other ones, that they knew it would be a blessing for me. IT WAS. Dang that was gold. Kristina came to clean my house and helped me not only in practical "My house is clean, thank the Lord!" kinds of ways, but we would have great talks about life and moving forward and about good books that helped us out. (sidenote: her husband Mark, is a great photographer and all around good guy too.) One day we had a talk about Christmas and traditions.
Traditions are something I knew Krista loved. She very much wanted our family to have traditions the kids could look back on with fondness. (yep I just used fondness...) I did not want the first Christmas without Krista to be a Christmas where the only new tradition was the fact that mom wasn't there and we sat around crying with no hope. I think we can all agree that a tradition like that would have been garbage. Kristina mentioned to me that her family had a tradition of a "Whatever You Want To Eat" meal. Literally she said, each person would pick a food and they would make whatever people wanted, put it all on the table and people could have at the whole lot. I LOVED that idea. I don't know if Kristina knew this, but her idea helped my family through that first Christmas. Now, every Christmas Eve we have this meal. This crazy meal. The first one included, mashed potatoes (Grace), pepperoni pizza (Jax), lobster (my mom, dad, and me), formula (Soph just had that, no one else was partial to formula...) and I honestly can't remember what else, but I remember we had a good time coming together as a family to make it all. We did something that we worked together on, and it was fun. It was also a tradition, something I knew Krista would have loved, and that made me feel great. Well, greater than I would have felt otherwise.
Don't get me wrong, that first Christmas, and every Christmas we have had since Krista, has been a bit strange in my heart, but we still have good in it. There is love in it. I hope that if you hate this season for whatever reason, that you can break out of it, even just a little, with something new for you. I think this probably goes for any/every season you have a hard time dealing with. Sometimes each day is hard to deal with when we are going through uncertainty. I hope and pray you have a chance to change your routine in a way that dissipates your pain. If not, you're invited over for the Heidinger, "Whatever You Want To Eat Christmas Eve Supper." We're always ready for some new guests...
Friday, 26 October 2012
When I Get a Clone, and Jaxon following in my footsteps...
Jaxon likes to talk. Especially when he is in his bed and getting tucked in and I want him to want to sleep, my son loves to talk. He usually asks me about my childhood. Stuff like, "What was your favorite thing to do when you were little Dad?", "What did you like in school when you were a kid Dad?". Tonight he asked, "What is the most interesting thing to you Dad?" I'm like, "What's the most interesting thing to me?", "Yes, Dad." Hmmmmmm, now that is an interesting question with many different answers depending on mood, place in life and all kinds of other jazz. But because I have been talking about genetics and reproduction and cloning with my classes lately, I settled on this one. "Jax, the most interesting thing to me is that you and your sisters are the only ones like you that there ever were, there ever are, or ever will be. Not just you but all of us. Even identical twins don't act exactly the same." Jax, "But Dad, Carter(one of Jax's best buddies) said that I kinda look like Nate(one of Jax's other best buddies)." "O.k. Jax, but you are still the only you that will ever be, and that's pretty cool." (For the record, Jax looks nothing like Nate.)
Then Jax says this, "Dad, do you want me to follow in your footsteps?" Like I said, Jax likes to talk and ask philosophical questions like this or make philosophical statements about life, and always right before bed.
Now before I go any further I want you to be sure that I am analyzing myself right now and getting near the point of annoyance with myself for even writing this because I don't want anyone to think that I am always the patient father who fosters this little warm moment with my kids every night. It's not like we gather around the fire where we sip warm nighty night tea and calmly flip through the pages of a nice book or the Bible or something and all snuggle and discuss the philosophy of life. We do snuggle, but it's always while we watch an episode of Phineas and Ferb (one of the greatest cartoons ever). Then it's usually me saying "O.k. let's brush teeth!" with an elevated volume because I am so done at the end of the night that I just want a couple of hours to do whatever I want. "Come on, come on, hurry up guys, it's bedtime." You know, that kind of thing. I try and be patient, but some nights I end up feeling like a hammer because I am so impatient. I was being impatient tonight. I just wanted my responsibilities to be done for the day you know? Of course, as we are coming upstairs for bed, Grace tries to do some dance move and cracks her finger getting up from the floor. Tears. I get her sorted (sort of) then go and help Soph brush her teeth. Then I put her on the toilet before bed, and as I am helping her, she smokes her head on the counter. Tears. Get her sorted, she's fine, Grace's finger still hurts, but the girls are in bed and I tuck them in, get Jax in bed, start talking, then the girls start calling for me. Now I wanted to lose it, I'm just tired. Just in that instant I wanted MY time. The only thing that stopped me from doing that was to remember I thought I would write a blog thing tonight, and I remembered back to one of my other blog posts about being patient, "There's only 10 minutes left..." I had to say to myself and then I was able to tuck the girls in. No more tears, then start really tucking Jax in, and then that is when he asked me that good ol' doozy of a philosophical question.
Basically, I will not allow you to have the impression that I am that annoying perfect parent who is always doing the right thing and who gives you the impression that their kids are perfect too. I think I do the best that I can and I get a lot of stuff right. But as soon as I get something right, I get something wrong, and I think that is pretty much a lot of parents out there. So I hope you get the message. I don't want you to think that I think that I am awesome. Handsome yes, awesome no. (That was a joke there.)
Daggnabbit! I digressed a GIGANTIC amount just there. Anyways, back at the ranch......
So Jaxon says, "Dad, do you want me to follow in your footsteps?" and being the perfect parent that I am, (that's a joke just there...) I said some stuff. I actually felt like it was one of those moments where the words just came out. Sort of like God went, "Hey Jared, I'm just going to take over here because if you try and come up with something it may just be a bit convoluted so just go with this..." (I know that some of you don't believe in God, but I do, and that's what it felt like to me.)
I said, and it is truly what I believe, "Jaxon, I want you to grow up to be you. I hope you learn some things from me, just like I learned from my parents, but you will grow to be a man who is going to make his own decisions. Sometimes the hard part of life is learning who you are. But the cool thing is you are you, and you are the only one like you ever. I hope you become someone who loves other people, and who grows closer to God as you do that." I really want that for my son.
What does that have to do with cloning? In my class we I always pretend that one kid in the class is going to be a mother of my clone. Now, if you don't know how the process works, Here's a short lesson. By the way, there haven't been human clones as of yet, even though I am certain that somewhere in the world someone is working illegally on it. I use the example to explain the idea of the how scientists cloned a sheep from the udder cells of an adult sheep. Making a genetically identical copy. If we could do something like it to make a clone of Jared it would go something like this (this is way oversimplified too, but bascially the idea):
1. Harvest an egg cell from a female (who will be the surrogate) and remove her DNA from the egg, essentially making it blank.
2. Take a cell from me, for the ease of example, a skin cell.
3. Fuse those cells together in a petri dish.
4.That egg cell now "believes" it is fertilized and will start dividing.
5.After a small number of divisions, place the new embryo into the uterus of the surrrogate\
6.Nine months later the surrogate gives birth to a baby Jared.
The kid wouldn't be 6'5" Jared, it would be a baby Jared. Literally it would be me. Well, genetically at least. One of the great questions we ponder after this little thought experiment is, "What would we turn out like if we were raised again?" I mean, it would probably be tough to raise yourself, there aren't any parenting books for that. Well not until I write one anyway. But seriously, have you thought about what you would be like if you were raised in a completely different environment than you were before?
The thing is, some things would turn out the same, because your genetics are a huge part of you. But, scientists don't actually know why you are the way you are. What is the ratio of nature (genetics) and nurture (the way you were raised?) No one truly knows. That is pretty crazy, but as they say, "It is what it is."
I think it is truly a miracle that we exist. It really is the most interesting thing to me. That each of us is the only one that will ever be born onto this place. This human life is of value. I don't know why we are here. As someone who believes in Jesus and God, there is still no answer anywhere in the Bible that can definitively tell us WHY. We're here because we're here. Whether you believe in creation or evolution or seeding by aliens, you are here. That is the point. There is purpose to you.
Some of you may be really bitter about who you are. I'm not just talking about looks and superficial stuff like that. I'm talking about those of you who have had a disease, or know someone close to you who has suffered. "Why was I like this?", "Why me?" are questions I think all of us ask. They are all legitimate from time to time. There are somethings that leave people in pain the rest of their lives. One of my friends is a soldier who was in Afghanistan with the Canadian Military. He was a gunner and went through a lot of tough stuff over there. He had a lot of stress and lost a lot of buddies in his efforts to protect and help people less fortunate than those of us over here. That stuff hurt him. He went through a tough time, and a lot of thinking and he decided that he wanted to come out the other side of the darkness and continue to live with purpose. My mom has chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia and she lives through really tough muscle pain that ebbs and flows everyday. She doesn't like it, she's not always upbeat about it, but the majority of the time she fights through it so that she can have a positive impact in the lives of families of my sister and I, not to mention many friends she has. I admire people who fight through tough things. I think one common theme between all of them is that they have made the choice to not live in fear of the future.
None of us can predict the future. Having a healthy understanding that we need to plan a bit for our future is good, but fearing that unpredictable future is crippling. As much as we can't predict the bad that can happen in the future, we can't predict the good either. That is an encouraging thought. I have had multiple times in my life where I have had trouble sleeping because I was worried about something, only to realize that when I finally got to the situation I had been worrying about, it was either different than I expected, or not as bad as I had dreamed up. I'm sure many of you have had the same thing. Let me ask you this, when was the last time you had trouble sleeping because of all the unknown good that could come your way then next day? Probably not too often. I never would have dreamed of meeting Krista, it happened. When I was a kid I never would have dreamed of having three great kids. It happened. (I know people that read this may be going through really hard times right now. I just want to encourage you to remember that not every moment in the future is going to forever be horrible. If everyday is horrible right now, I will pray for you, and I don't know exactly what that does, but I will pray for peace in your life. I want to support you in that. Send me a message and I'll do that, or anything else I can. But if you don't want to do that, please trust me. Things can be better at some point. I hope that comes soon for you.)
This was a long post, you probably stopped reading long ago. If you are still reading, I hope you and I can both believe what I told my son. I honestly think I was talking to myself just as much as I was talking to him. Here is my hope for you and I, but I will write it in the context of you just because I want to:
I hope that you grow up to be you, that sometimes the hard things in life are figuring out who you are. That you are truly a miracle just because you are the only one like you ever, and I hope you grow to love others and grow closer to God while doing it.
Goodnight.
Jared.
Then Jax says this, "Dad, do you want me to follow in your footsteps?" Like I said, Jax likes to talk and ask philosophical questions like this or make philosophical statements about life, and always right before bed.
Now before I go any further I want you to be sure that I am analyzing myself right now and getting near the point of annoyance with myself for even writing this because I don't want anyone to think that I am always the patient father who fosters this little warm moment with my kids every night. It's not like we gather around the fire where we sip warm nighty night tea and calmly flip through the pages of a nice book or the Bible or something and all snuggle and discuss the philosophy of life. We do snuggle, but it's always while we watch an episode of Phineas and Ferb (one of the greatest cartoons ever). Then it's usually me saying "O.k. let's brush teeth!" with an elevated volume because I am so done at the end of the night that I just want a couple of hours to do whatever I want. "Come on, come on, hurry up guys, it's bedtime." You know, that kind of thing. I try and be patient, but some nights I end up feeling like a hammer because I am so impatient. I was being impatient tonight. I just wanted my responsibilities to be done for the day you know? Of course, as we are coming upstairs for bed, Grace tries to do some dance move and cracks her finger getting up from the floor. Tears. I get her sorted (sort of) then go and help Soph brush her teeth. Then I put her on the toilet before bed, and as I am helping her, she smokes her head on the counter. Tears. Get her sorted, she's fine, Grace's finger still hurts, but the girls are in bed and I tuck them in, get Jax in bed, start talking, then the girls start calling for me. Now I wanted to lose it, I'm just tired. Just in that instant I wanted MY time. The only thing that stopped me from doing that was to remember I thought I would write a blog thing tonight, and I remembered back to one of my other blog posts about being patient, "There's only 10 minutes left..." I had to say to myself and then I was able to tuck the girls in. No more tears, then start really tucking Jax in, and then that is when he asked me that good ol' doozy of a philosophical question.
Basically, I will not allow you to have the impression that I am that annoying perfect parent who is always doing the right thing and who gives you the impression that their kids are perfect too. I think I do the best that I can and I get a lot of stuff right. But as soon as I get something right, I get something wrong, and I think that is pretty much a lot of parents out there. So I hope you get the message. I don't want you to think that I think that I am awesome. Handsome yes, awesome no. (That was a joke there.)
Daggnabbit! I digressed a GIGANTIC amount just there. Anyways, back at the ranch......
So Jaxon says, "Dad, do you want me to follow in your footsteps?" and being the perfect parent that I am, (that's a joke just there...) I said some stuff. I actually felt like it was one of those moments where the words just came out. Sort of like God went, "Hey Jared, I'm just going to take over here because if you try and come up with something it may just be a bit convoluted so just go with this..." (I know that some of you don't believe in God, but I do, and that's what it felt like to me.)
I said, and it is truly what I believe, "Jaxon, I want you to grow up to be you. I hope you learn some things from me, just like I learned from my parents, but you will grow to be a man who is going to make his own decisions. Sometimes the hard part of life is learning who you are. But the cool thing is you are you, and you are the only one like you ever. I hope you become someone who loves other people, and who grows closer to God as you do that." I really want that for my son.
What does that have to do with cloning? In my class we I always pretend that one kid in the class is going to be a mother of my clone. Now, if you don't know how the process works, Here's a short lesson. By the way, there haven't been human clones as of yet, even though I am certain that somewhere in the world someone is working illegally on it. I use the example to explain the idea of the how scientists cloned a sheep from the udder cells of an adult sheep. Making a genetically identical copy. If we could do something like it to make a clone of Jared it would go something like this (this is way oversimplified too, but bascially the idea):
1. Harvest an egg cell from a female (who will be the surrogate) and remove her DNA from the egg, essentially making it blank.
2. Take a cell from me, for the ease of example, a skin cell.
3. Fuse those cells together in a petri dish.
4.That egg cell now "believes" it is fertilized and will start dividing.
5.After a small number of divisions, place the new embryo into the uterus of the surrrogate\
6.Nine months later the surrogate gives birth to a baby Jared.
The kid wouldn't be 6'5" Jared, it would be a baby Jared. Literally it would be me. Well, genetically at least. One of the great questions we ponder after this little thought experiment is, "What would we turn out like if we were raised again?" I mean, it would probably be tough to raise yourself, there aren't any parenting books for that. Well not until I write one anyway. But seriously, have you thought about what you would be like if you were raised in a completely different environment than you were before?
The thing is, some things would turn out the same, because your genetics are a huge part of you. But, scientists don't actually know why you are the way you are. What is the ratio of nature (genetics) and nurture (the way you were raised?) No one truly knows. That is pretty crazy, but as they say, "It is what it is."
I think it is truly a miracle that we exist. It really is the most interesting thing to me. That each of us is the only one that will ever be born onto this place. This human life is of value. I don't know why we are here. As someone who believes in Jesus and God, there is still no answer anywhere in the Bible that can definitively tell us WHY. We're here because we're here. Whether you believe in creation or evolution or seeding by aliens, you are here. That is the point. There is purpose to you.
Some of you may be really bitter about who you are. I'm not just talking about looks and superficial stuff like that. I'm talking about those of you who have had a disease, or know someone close to you who has suffered. "Why was I like this?", "Why me?" are questions I think all of us ask. They are all legitimate from time to time. There are somethings that leave people in pain the rest of their lives. One of my friends is a soldier who was in Afghanistan with the Canadian Military. He was a gunner and went through a lot of tough stuff over there. He had a lot of stress and lost a lot of buddies in his efforts to protect and help people less fortunate than those of us over here. That stuff hurt him. He went through a tough time, and a lot of thinking and he decided that he wanted to come out the other side of the darkness and continue to live with purpose. My mom has chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia and she lives through really tough muscle pain that ebbs and flows everyday. She doesn't like it, she's not always upbeat about it, but the majority of the time she fights through it so that she can have a positive impact in the lives of families of my sister and I, not to mention many friends she has. I admire people who fight through tough things. I think one common theme between all of them is that they have made the choice to not live in fear of the future.
None of us can predict the future. Having a healthy understanding that we need to plan a bit for our future is good, but fearing that unpredictable future is crippling. As much as we can't predict the bad that can happen in the future, we can't predict the good either. That is an encouraging thought. I have had multiple times in my life where I have had trouble sleeping because I was worried about something, only to realize that when I finally got to the situation I had been worrying about, it was either different than I expected, or not as bad as I had dreamed up. I'm sure many of you have had the same thing. Let me ask you this, when was the last time you had trouble sleeping because of all the unknown good that could come your way then next day? Probably not too often. I never would have dreamed of meeting Krista, it happened. When I was a kid I never would have dreamed of having three great kids. It happened. (I know people that read this may be going through really hard times right now. I just want to encourage you to remember that not every moment in the future is going to forever be horrible. If everyday is horrible right now, I will pray for you, and I don't know exactly what that does, but I will pray for peace in your life. I want to support you in that. Send me a message and I'll do that, or anything else I can. But if you don't want to do that, please trust me. Things can be better at some point. I hope that comes soon for you.)
This was a long post, you probably stopped reading long ago. If you are still reading, I hope you and I can both believe what I told my son. I honestly think I was talking to myself just as much as I was talking to him. Here is my hope for you and I, but I will write it in the context of you just because I want to:
I hope that you grow up to be you, that sometimes the hard things in life are figuring out who you are. That you are truly a miracle just because you are the only one like you ever, and I hope you grow to love others and grow closer to God while doing it.
Goodnight.
Jared.
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