Some friends of mine have been recently going through a mind melting hardship with an illness in their family. I don't want to expand on it a ton because it's personal to them and their family and it's not my place to talk about their stuff. I will say that it reminded me of something I have needed to get straight.
When Krista passed away, I needed God. I wasn't happy with God, but I needed God. They are two different things. Sometimes you can have both, other times you can seemingly only have one. One of my buddies, Sid Koop, was speaking the other day at church and he said, "Our level of excitement for a Saviour increases when we understand our need." The level of understanding of our need for God, directly correlates to how excited we get when we approach our faith.
Again, I know that some people who read this will think this "God" talk is absolute poppycock. Not the good "brand name" kind of Poppycock either. You know, the great tasting caramel popcorn and nut mixture that I am sure many of you partook of during this Christmas/New Year's season. (Go buy some for your New Year's party, you won't be disappointed. Unless you are allergic to nuts. In that case you would get an allergic reaction and be very disappointed.) I suppose that I don't know if I can really speak to you on this blogpost because this post is about my need for God. I think there is a God, and there's a lot that goes behind that thought (more than I can write tonight, and which are better written about in books like, C.S. Lewis' - Mere Christianity, and Tim Keller's - Reason for God), so you may or may not get a ton out of this.
That being said, I am not assuming that many of you who do believe in God will get much out of my ramblings tonight either, but that is neither here nor there. This is about MY need for God. I'll let you work out what you think for yourself.
Anyway...
I remember when I was a kid in youth groups and I remember hearing stories at retreats or concerts and stuff like that from people who came from rough situations. I'm talking about drug addiction, alcoholic, homeless, criminal behaviour stuff. I was always really uplifted by stories of coming to faith by these people who had NOTHING else, and they turned to God. They realized their need for something greater than themselves and asked forgiveness from God. Their lives turned around, dramatically in some cases, and they found themselves unable to keep quiet about their need for God. They told everyone they knew. Sometimes it became their life calling. Sharing their stories to help young people steer clear of pitfalls they knew all to well, and to share that their reason for living was a relationship with Jesus Christ.
I would always feel really pumped up after those retreats, really excited about my faith, then, I would go back to my life the next week. Sometimes in fact, I would leave the retreat thinking, "How the heck am I going to share my story of faith with someone? I have never been within an inch of my life from a crack binge!", "What kind of a story do I have? Kid from small southern Alberta, raised in the middle class, well fed, healthy, gone to church his whole life, accepted Jesus as his Saviour at age 6. That is not going to headline any speaking tour!" That would bug me from time to time. More on that later...
Since I can remember, I have never been afraid to speak about my faith in God, I don't feel like I bludgeon people over the head with it. (some of you may tell me otherwise) Never really was one for that style. After those retreats I would get excited about how I could share my faith, or that maybe, God would show me a situation that I could speak too, and lots of people would come to care about God. Slowly though, I would drift into everyday. Sometimes you just forget your need. Until some disaster happens, then I would get shocked right back into how much I need God.
I was reading an article the other day by a guy named Randy Alcorn. He wrote a book called, "Heaven". I read parts of that book when Krista passed away, and I appreciated how he looked at the Bible, and tried to sort out different possibilities on what different sections of Scripture could tell people about what that might look like. Anyway, he was talking the other day about how when people ask, "Where is God?" in times of crisis, he sometimes wonders, "I wonder how much garbage God has protected us from today?" He's not saying it in a pious, "I never question God and always look at the bright side because I am so spiritual" way. He was seriously thinking, with all the capability in the world for wrong to happen, isn't it amazing that more stuff doesn't go wrong? Maybe we need to think about that as well? The problem is, we don't recognize a "normal" day as a "good" one until something devastating happens. Any of you who have gone through tough times, were probably longing for a "normal" day because it would have seemed so much better than the crap you were going through.
That's why I don't believe that you need to have some ridiculous conversion story to share what Christ means to you. I think every person's story is real in it's own way. We don't have to "jazz" it up just to share our faith. We don't have to have a nice perfect little answer to everything either. People reading this who don't believe in God, don't have perfect answers for everything either. We need to talk to, listen to, and try and understand each other. Maybe we won't ever understand each other, but that is no reason to disrespect each other...
Basically what I started thinking tonight is that I am so thankful to God for what is normal now. Three years ago, if you would have asked me what three years in the future's "normal" would look like I would have had no idea. My idea would have likely been significantly less joyful than what a real day looks like now. I don't want to forget my need. I don't want to forget my blessings. I don't want to sugar coat my troubles either. I hope I can make the realization of my need for God more of an ever present thing than it has been lately. Lately it's a, "Thanks so much God for what you have done in my life, but I might not think about you until the next time I say the grace for my food, or bedtime prayers." type thing. That mundane thinking needs to stop. I need to recognize my need. How that looks every day will be different, but it needs to be there for me. That's when I feel most "right".
Anyway, here's to you not having a "normal" week, but having a "good" week. Not just because good things happen, but because maybe God is closer somehow this week. I'm sure many of you reading this, did not need to read it because you are in a place where you feel God close, others of you may feel like me. Some of you may feel like you want to talk more about why I think people need God. Just send me a message and I would be happy to talk about it.
Have a good night.
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