How cool things aren't as cool when you feel blah, and tired.

I have been feeling blah lately.  Not with work, but in my life outside and with my faith.  Many of you know that I am a Christian.  I don't hide that, it's definitely who I am.  Sometimes I get a bit bleh, blah, meh etc. with life though and all of it though.  Do you ever feel the same way?  It's like all I want to do is watch movies, eat, and just pretend like I have no responsibilities.  I have felt that way for about a month or two, just kind of off.  Like a fog of apathy that is socked in my brain and won't quite leave even when the sun comes out.

I had a great talk with my friend Lois Van Roon yesterday.  She was one of Krista's great friends and is a great friend of mine and wife to one of my best friends, Cam.  We talked about our own "fogs" and what we had been thinking about that.  She said some things that made me want to turn it around.  She wanted to turn that around in her world too.  It was a great talk, and I felt a little more energized about realizing that life has ups and downs and that each day is its own.

I'm not going to tell you to "Carpe Diem" and all that, because it has been overused and now I'm annoyed by it.  I will say, that before I go to bed I always think, "Tomorrow, yah, tomorrow will be the day that I get out of the funk."  That feeling usually lasts until my alarm wakes me up and then I can only think about where am I going, what am I doing, what do I have to do today, oh man I can't wait until I can go to sleep again... Have you ever had days like that? 

I like sleeping, but those of you who have kids, I think you can relate to this.  Parents enjoy sleeping, but it seems like when you parent, at the end of the day you just want some "me" or "we" (husband and wife) time.  Time when you can actually have a conversation without interruption by a nose picking kid, or a squabble (I never use squabble, because, really who uses the word squabble on a day to day basis.  I used it just there, because the word argument would make all of you think that my kids are arguing all the time, which they aren't but I didn't want to have to say that so I thought I would use the word squabble.  I am aware that I actually just explained all I didn't want to just now, and I could have just used the word argument, but I am now trying to keep going to make a part of the blog that you would think is witty, so I hope you enjoyed that wit right there...) or something else.

Parents want that "me" time, and sometimes that trumps sleep.  So I stay up and watch movies or T.V..  In the past few weeks I have watched a few things.  NBA playoffs or NHL playoffs to start, followed by highlights of the games I have just watched (they are still awesome even though I just saw them) or Food Network like, "You Gotta Eat Here!".  I have watched John Carter (not bad), Blood Diamond (good), Sherlock Holmes 2(good), and some other ones I can't remember.  Or I randomly scan Twitter or Facebook.  Then I go to sleep exhausted, but I got the "me" time in there.  The thing is, my kids still wake up the same time as always, or I have to wake up and go to work the same as always and I end up dragging my exhaustion into the next day.  I put a whole bunch of energy into work, which I love, and then I have none left at the end of the day and end up not being 100% for my kids and feeling a general malaise towards all things that require effort.

I realized yesterday, that one of my big problems was my "me" time.  I just need to go to sleep.  Should be easy enough, so I am giving myself a bedtime again. 10:15 - 10:30p.m. max.  Last night it was 10:30, and today was good.  One of those, "Hey! I feel good today!" days.  Today I didn't feel grumpy.  I felt good. Sleep is the start.  I get selfish when I am grumpy and start missing the important things that I know make me feel right about the world.  My faith, my exercise habits and my will to eat properly are pretty much kicked in the head when I don't sleep.

My son Jaxon was baptized today.  He asked me a week and a half ago if he could be baptized after seeing a picture of a man washing his son in the river. (They are studying India right now, not that all Indian people wash in the river, but some do, and those pictures make their way into North American textbooks...)  He said that the picture reminded him of baptism and that he thought he should be baptized.  I have talked with the kids about what baptism is and they have heard about it at church and stuff, but I haven't ever asked the kids, "Hey, do you want to be baptized?" with any real conviction or anything.  That is why I thought it was cool that he came to me with the request.  I didn't make him do anything.

Here is what he said today when he gave his testimony (he spoke in front people who had come to see the baptisms about his decision to baptized) -

" I’ve grown up in a home with a family that believes that Jesus is important.  I believe that nobody is perfect.  I also believe that Jesus will forgive our sins.  I asked Jesus into my life when I was 6, my dad and I prayed before I went to sleep.  I was reading a book and saw a picture of a parent dipping his son in water which reminded me of baptism then I thought I should do it.  I thought in my head that every Christian sort of has to do it sometime.  Baptism is a way of following Jesus and telling people that you love him. My relationship with Jesus is really strong and I like it that way."

The picture was taken by my friend Paul Bagnall today after Jax was baptized at Park Lake. We prayed together for a minute or two.  Baptisms are public declarations of already inner decisions and truths.  It's important that people watching know why you are doing what you are doing.  I suppose those types of things are the technicality parts of what you say, and those are the first 4 sentences that Jaxon and I worked on together.  The second half of his testimony, was written by him.  I helped him with ideas he could write about, what he should tell people, like, why you are getting baptized, what made you think about it, etc.  He wrote it though, I even tried to help him word something and he came up with a much better version of it.  That was cool because it was him figuring it out and not me.  I love the last line. Love it.

I hesitate to talk about his baptism because I don't like when parents talk about their kids with an air or arrogance or something like that, like, "I don't mean to brag but..."  (Sidenote, when anyone starts a sentence with, "I don't mean to..." or "No offense but..." the actually DO mean to or they actually are being offensive, just passive-aggressively.)  Anyway, I tell you about it because I am super happy that my son has a focus on something that I think will be a great source of strength in his life for the rest of his life.  Some of you who are atheists or of another religious background may be thinking, "Oh, there they go again, the Christians brainwashing their children..."  Well, I guess I may disagree with some of your parenting decisions too, but that's for us to talk about in person if you want.  I am actually telling you this story because I was really happy and thought it was cool that my son wanted to think for himself in a manner that I think will benefit him.  

I am also telling you this story because I feel like a dummy because I wasn't super pumped about it yesterday or throughout the past week because of the fog that I told you about earlier.  I was excited, but I didn't see his decision to do this for what it was until today.  I was very glad I had that conversation with Lo yesterday.  God not only gets to us through feelings, or his word, but I think much of the time he works through people.  I was able to take in the fulness of today's events.  I am glad for that.

My sister had twins on Wednesday.  Fraternal twin girls Jordyn and Ashlyn.  5lbs6oz. and 5lbs14oz.  Healthy girls.  My sister is gold, she has a great attitude and it was uplifting.  Her husband Chris is gold.  He is right in there pulling allnighters and doing whatever it takes to care for those babies.  He did the same when Krista passed away and  I was so exhausted and needed rest.  He would stay up and slept right beside Soph in the front room of our house feeding her when she needed.  My sister did it with him along with the rest of a bunch of my family. Providing me with the rest I needed to make decisions and function on a level that was necessary, and that would have been impossible, without sleep. 

Those kinds of attitudes inspire me and remind me that I need to every day be ready for that day.  Don't look too far ahead, don't look too far behind, but do what is best each day.  I know that I need to start with God, and get some sleep.  Those two things aren't always going to make things happy, because hard stuff still happens, but they will give me strength spiritually and physically when that stuff comes.  With that, I am going to bed.  After a summary.

Summary:

1.  Go to sleep.  Tomorrow will be better because of it.

2.  If you are a Christian, think hard about being baptized as a public declaration of what you are already living.

3.  My son, sister and brother-in-law are awesome and I love em.

4. Don't start sentences with, "No offense but...", or "I don't mean to sound like a jerk but..."

I know this was all over the place tonight, but I didn't make any promises that these blogs would be good, or useful! 

In the words of Jim Rome, "GOOD NIGHT NOW!"