I’m sitting in the Houston airport waiting for my flight to Memphis and I am seeing thousands of people all with somewhere to go. Krista used to, and I still do, find it weird that there are people all across the world living completely separate lives apart from my own and my own town. Whenever we drove down the Oregon coast to San Francisco and then to Vegas, then home (just before Jaxon was born, well Vegas was probably where he was originally from, nudge, nudge wink wink (sorry about that)) we just were overwhelmed with humanity at times. I don’t know if you get my meaning, but it is really strange to be by yourselves around no one you know, and realize, life completely exists outside my sphere. That sort of sounds arrogant if you take it the wrong way, but I know that it is always why many of us love to travel, but coming home (if home is a good place) is so good. Everyone in the airport is rushing somewhere. Many of us are rushing places in life too. Not that it is wrong to rush around all the time, but when I am in a place like the airport I find it fascinating and lonely.
I am going to an IB teaching conference, there are only handful of them throughout the year and it happened to work out best for dates that I attend this weekend and that it is in Memphis Tennessee. I am waiting because my flight was delayed and if I had my kids with me I probably would be trying really hard not to go mental over a 1 hour delay. A video I posted to facebook the other day entitled, “The Most Obnoxious Kid of All Time” showed this kid who was rattled after his flight to Florida had been delayed because of snow. YouTube it. I gotta tell ya, if Jaxon acted like that kid did I would have lost my marbles because I would hope that he would be more understanding of the blessing we would have in our lives just to be able to go to Florida in the first place. Not like this kid. Although, in reality, I can see Jax being pretty upset that plans had not gone the way we wanted, and I would probably have had a hard time having patience for him.
When I am by myself with no agenda of my own it is really easy to be patient, because I don’t really have to try. I wonder if I can even consider it patience. I actually don’t think I can, because I don’t really care if there is a delay or not to be honest. I could probably sit in this airport for a long time before I started to go mental, but only when I don’t have anywhere to go, or kids to take care of, or deadlines to meet.
I think I want to define patience as an understanding that, I may not get what I want, when I want, and be o.k. with it. Doesn’t mean I have to love it, but to just let it go. To try my best to carry out the plan that I thought would be best, and if it doesn’t work out, to accept it without losing my temper with people around me. Actually, I find myself pretty forgiving with most people around me, the problem I have is patience with the people really close to me, especially kids at times. I was talking about this with some of my friends the other day. I am worst at night, not the whole night, but in the 15 minutes before bedtime when I just want the responsibilities to end and I want to shut my brain off for the day and, “have a little me time” as they say. Krista always used to sense me getting a little edgy by this time of night and she would say, “Jared, it’s just 15 more minutes.” That was a really good point. I find myself falling back on those words as I feel myself getting edgy. I think many parents can understand this. It’s when you think the kids are asleep, and you finally let your guard down and then one of them calls, “DAD!” I seriously almost come unglued sometimes and then try and pull it together so that my kids don’t feel guilty about calling their one parent left. Shoot. I really shouldn’t complain either. My kids go to sleep really well! (Thank God in Heaven.)
Grace just needs about a minute of patting her back, and a prayer, Soph, a pat, a prayer and a little song, usually Mary Had a Little Lamb. Jax takes a little more patting and some songs on his little stereo, and he usually wants to talk for a bit. I seriously have to summon all my energy to be engaged in that conversation because all I want to do is go to the couch or sit down at the computer or something else. Isn’t that horrible! It is horrible but I am not alone, especially when I talk to other parents. All of us as parents usually have something that we have to summon patience for our kids for. It’s those conversations with Jax that are precious though, and I usually only realize it when I am away from the kids for a few days, or when I get a quiet moment to reflect. Usually after they are long asleep.
I check on my kids every night before I go to bed. Krista would always ask me three things. 1. Can you get me my inhaler? 2. Are the doors locked? 3.Did you check on the kids? Most times I didn't think about it until she told me, but now I check on those kids and make sure they are breathing every night. I sometimes go in and worry that they may not be o.k. then I see the chest going up and down and I breathe a sign of relief. It's just that since Krista, it doesn't seem out of the question that I could lose someone else I love, and I thank God for the opportunity to see those little kids breathing. I look at them and think, "It's so peaceful right now. They are warm and safe. I am lucky to be their dad." That's what I say to myself. (sorry for just quoting myself there...) I just hope I can think that more often when they are awake and making a bunch of noise, hahahaha! I am going to try anyway. Away time gives you perspective, but I don't really think it's perspective unless you make use of the revelations you have had. Otherwise I think "perspective" turns in to "observation" and is pretty much useless. I need to make use of my perspective when it is given to me...
I finished this post today, after getting to Memphis and hanging out for the day and I miss my kids already. Not enough to go home yet! Hahahaha , you know what I mean... Everyone needs a break every now and then I think. I am so blessed to family who have helped me out by watching them for me from time to time so I can get away for a weekend, for a conference or for just chilling.
Anyway, the point of this message is that I am realizing that I really need to continue to pray for patience as it does not come easy to me at times. I hope that any of you parents that know what I am talking about can understand and find some encouragement that you are not alone in your patience plight! REMEMBER: “Only 15 more minutes…”
