Do you know someone who is always depressed with their life? I'm not talking about someone who is legitimately getting help for depression. (That is FAR from what I am talking about here!) I am talking about someone who has a lot of good things going for them, and have no actual need for a proper prescription because the brain chemistry needs some legit medical aid. Someone who, even though things are great, constantly focus on the stuff that's not quite right. You're having a good day and talking to them about something, and no matter what you do, that person turns the conversation sideways. Like the hilarious SNL skit "Debbie Downer";
http://vimeo.com/25898
Well I am writing a blog on Mother's Day and I am NOT writing something to be a "Debbie Downer." Like, "Happy Mother's Day, but not for me..." (insert horn noise here) I am not trying to bring you down on your Mother's Day! So I don't think this will be depressing, but if you are worried about me ruining your day then I don't mind if you stop reading...
Today has been a hard day for me the past 3 years, but this year hurts less than last. We don't go to church on Mother's Day Sunday. You know, if the kids make a craft in Sunday School for their mothers or if the sermon is about mothers or whatever. Just not necessarily something I want to deal with, even though the kids are fine doing these things in school and hearing about it and all that jazz. We just do our own thing.
Today, we went and got smoothies, then we went to the grave site. I asked the kids if they wanted to go, and Jax said, "No, it makes me cry" and Grace said, "Yes!" and Soph didn't say anything. (she was sucking on a strawberry/banana smoothie...) I told Jax he didn't have to get out if he didn't want to, but we were going. When we got there, we all got out (Jax included, without any prompting from me) and we made our way to Krista's spot. The kids were not rattled this time. They asked a lot of questions, about the headstones, about whether she was in the ground, about all kinds of stuff. The just asked questions. I answered them as best as I could and it was a really good talk. It felt peaceful.
We talked about the quote from C.S. Lewis that is on her headstone, "If I find in myself a desire which nothing on this earth can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was meant for another world." That it means that even if we have everything we think we could possibly want, that it is likely that we still would be unfulfilled. A lack of something deeper. Something spiritual.
Jax said something to the effect of, "I don't understand death, it's so annoying!" He said it in a tone that was more like he meant to say, "frustrating" instead of annoying. We talked about how it is strange that everything on earth dies. Everyone of us must die. I made the analogy that everyone gets a skinned knee at some point in their lives, and everyone is o.k. with it. It hurts and all that, but when our kid skins their knee our heart doesn't break. We know their pain, but we are not overwhelmed because we know it will get better.
The only thing that truly happens to each of us that is born is that we will die. We KNOW this. Nobody is o.k. with it. Well, nobody that is my age that I know is o.k. with it. Nobody I know is ready for it except elderly people, or people who come to terms with some disease, or something like that. Krista's 94 year old grandma and I were talking and she said, "I'm ready to go when He takes me." She is in pretty good shape and is hilarious, witty, lady. She is not in a bed in a hospital room. Somehow, she has come to terms with her mortality and I am always amazed by that. How do you get there.
I don't think we are o.k. with it because we think we can beat it. I know we know that we can't beat it, but dang it if we don't try to beat it for as long as we can. It becomes a bit of a mission for us. I'm not saying we shouldn't live healthy or do our best to be safe or any of that, it's just interesting to me that we don't think it should happen to us. It's like we are owed something just because we have life. I am sure self-entitled North Americans are probably the worst for this.
I was having lunch one day with my friend and he was telling me about a Christian scholar that he had talked to about death who said something to the effect of, "Even though every single one of us knows we are going to die, it is the one thing that hurts, that we can't understand or wrap our head around. It's evidence that there is more to "life" than just our biology, than this physical world." I'm paraphrasing to be sure, but you get the point. If death is so prevalent, why don't we just accept it as a part of "It is what it is...".
I think there is more to your life than just your cells. I think there is a spiritual aspect to each of us. I told my kids this today, and by their responses, it seemed that they got it. In whatever way kids get the deepness of life, which sometimes I think they get better than us adults. I hope you explore your need for the spiritual side of life. It is important.
We had a good day today, a real day. A time of talking about life and death. One of those talks where, as you are speaking, you realize, "This is a deep, and special conversation that I am going to remember." Another opportunity for me to share with them about how much their mom loved them. And a slightly lesser time explaining that the 3 foot tall bronze boot on a person's tombstone probably meant that they were a cowboy. (along with combines meaning they were probably farmers, and pictures of the Mormon temple meaning that they were likely Mormons...)
We went to the park after this talk in the cemetery and played. The kids had a blast with their family today, and had a great Mother's Day. We laughed and talked about some big questions. It was a good day. I was able to honor my mom too. (She is absolute gold by the way.)
If you have lost your mom, I am so sorry for your loss. Maybe you feel like a fish out of water on Mother's Day like I do, maybe not. If it brings you encouragement, I prayed for you today, it's not cool to feel alone, so I am letting you know you're not. I sincerely wish every mom out there a Happy Mother's Day! Mom's deserve so much more than one day it is ridiculous, but that's another blog post....
