How cool things aren't as cool when you feel blah, and tired.

I have been feeling blah lately.  Not with work, but in my life outside and with my faith.  Many of you know that I am a Christian.  I don't hide that, it's definitely who I am.  Sometimes I get a bit bleh, blah, meh etc. with life though and all of it though.  Do you ever feel the same way?  It's like all I want to do is watch movies, eat, and just pretend like I have no responsibilities.  I have felt that way for about a month or two, just kind of off.  Like a fog of apathy that is socked in my brain and won't quite leave even when the sun comes out.

I had a great talk with my friend Lois Van Roon yesterday.  She was one of Krista's great friends and is a great friend of mine and wife to one of my best friends, Cam.  We talked about our own "fogs" and what we had been thinking about that.  She said some things that made me want to turn it around.  She wanted to turn that around in her world too.  It was a great talk, and I felt a little more energized about realizing that life has ups and downs and that each day is its own.

I'm not going to tell you to "Carpe Diem" and all that, because it has been overused and now I'm annoyed by it.  I will say, that before I go to bed I always think, "Tomorrow, yah, tomorrow will be the day that I get out of the funk."  That feeling usually lasts until my alarm wakes me up and then I can only think about where am I going, what am I doing, what do I have to do today, oh man I can't wait until I can go to sleep again... Have you ever had days like that? 

I like sleeping, but those of you who have kids, I think you can relate to this.  Parents enjoy sleeping, but it seems like when you parent, at the end of the day you just want some "me" or "we" (husband and wife) time.  Time when you can actually have a conversation without interruption by a nose picking kid, or a squabble (I never use squabble, because, really who uses the word squabble on a day to day basis.  I used it just there, because the word argument would make all of you think that my kids are arguing all the time, which they aren't but I didn't want to have to say that so I thought I would use the word squabble.  I am aware that I actually just explained all I didn't want to just now, and I could have just used the word argument, but I am now trying to keep going to make a part of the blog that you would think is witty, so I hope you enjoyed that wit right there...) or something else.

Parents want that "me" time, and sometimes that trumps sleep.  So I stay up and watch movies or T.V..  In the past few weeks I have watched a few things.  NBA playoffs or NHL playoffs to start, followed by highlights of the games I have just watched (they are still awesome even though I just saw them) or Food Network like, "You Gotta Eat Here!".  I have watched John Carter (not bad), Blood Diamond (good), Sherlock Holmes 2(good), and some other ones I can't remember.  Or I randomly scan Twitter or Facebook.  Then I go to sleep exhausted, but I got the "me" time in there.  The thing is, my kids still wake up the same time as always, or I have to wake up and go to work the same as always and I end up dragging my exhaustion into the next day.  I put a whole bunch of energy into work, which I love, and then I have none left at the end of the day and end up not being 100% for my kids and feeling a general malaise towards all things that require effort.

I realized yesterday, that one of my big problems was my "me" time.  I just need to go to sleep.  Should be easy enough, so I am giving myself a bedtime again. 10:15 - 10:30p.m. max.  Last night it was 10:30, and today was good.  One of those, "Hey! I feel good today!" days.  Today I didn't feel grumpy.  I felt good. Sleep is the start.  I get selfish when I am grumpy and start missing the important things that I know make me feel right about the world.  My faith, my exercise habits and my will to eat properly are pretty much kicked in the head when I don't sleep.

My son Jaxon was baptized today.  He asked me a week and a half ago if he could be baptized after seeing a picture of a man washing his son in the river. (They are studying India right now, not that all Indian people wash in the river, but some do, and those pictures make their way into North American textbooks...)  He said that the picture reminded him of baptism and that he thought he should be baptized.  I have talked with the kids about what baptism is and they have heard about it at church and stuff, but I haven't ever asked the kids, "Hey, do you want to be baptized?" with any real conviction or anything.  That is why I thought it was cool that he came to me with the request.  I didn't make him do anything.

Here is what he said today when he gave his testimony (he spoke in front people who had come to see the baptisms about his decision to baptized) -

" I’ve grown up in a home with a family that believes that Jesus is important.  I believe that nobody is perfect.  I also believe that Jesus will forgive our sins.  I asked Jesus into my life when I was 6, my dad and I prayed before I went to sleep.  I was reading a book and saw a picture of a parent dipping his son in water which reminded me of baptism then I thought I should do it.  I thought in my head that every Christian sort of has to do it sometime.  Baptism is a way of following Jesus and telling people that you love him. My relationship with Jesus is really strong and I like it that way."

The picture was taken by my friend Paul Bagnall today after Jax was baptized at Park Lake. We prayed together for a minute or two.  Baptisms are public declarations of already inner decisions and truths.  It's important that people watching know why you are doing what you are doing.  I suppose those types of things are the technicality parts of what you say, and those are the first 4 sentences that Jaxon and I worked on together.  The second half of his testimony, was written by him.  I helped him with ideas he could write about, what he should tell people, like, why you are getting baptized, what made you think about it, etc.  He wrote it though, I even tried to help him word something and he came up with a much better version of it.  That was cool because it was him figuring it out and not me.  I love the last line. Love it.

I hesitate to talk about his baptism because I don't like when parents talk about their kids with an air or arrogance or something like that, like, "I don't mean to brag but..."  (Sidenote, when anyone starts a sentence with, "I don't mean to..." or "No offense but..." the actually DO mean to or they actually are being offensive, just passive-aggressively.)  Anyway, I tell you about it because I am super happy that my son has a focus on something that I think will be a great source of strength in his life for the rest of his life.  Some of you who are atheists or of another religious background may be thinking, "Oh, there they go again, the Christians brainwashing their children..."  Well, I guess I may disagree with some of your parenting decisions too, but that's for us to talk about in person if you want.  I am actually telling you this story because I was really happy and thought it was cool that my son wanted to think for himself in a manner that I think will benefit him.  

I am also telling you this story because I feel like a dummy because I wasn't super pumped about it yesterday or throughout the past week because of the fog that I told you about earlier.  I was excited, but I didn't see his decision to do this for what it was until today.  I was very glad I had that conversation with Lo yesterday.  God not only gets to us through feelings, or his word, but I think much of the time he works through people.  I was able to take in the fulness of today's events.  I am glad for that.

My sister had twins on Wednesday.  Fraternal twin girls Jordyn and Ashlyn.  5lbs6oz. and 5lbs14oz.  Healthy girls.  My sister is gold, she has a great attitude and it was uplifting.  Her husband Chris is gold.  He is right in there pulling allnighters and doing whatever it takes to care for those babies.  He did the same when Krista passed away and  I was so exhausted and needed rest.  He would stay up and slept right beside Soph in the front room of our house feeding her when she needed.  My sister did it with him along with the rest of a bunch of my family. Providing me with the rest I needed to make decisions and function on a level that was necessary, and that would have been impossible, without sleep. 

Those kinds of attitudes inspire me and remind me that I need to every day be ready for that day.  Don't look too far ahead, don't look too far behind, but do what is best each day.  I know that I need to start with God, and get some sleep.  Those two things aren't always going to make things happy, because hard stuff still happens, but they will give me strength spiritually and physically when that stuff comes.  With that, I am going to bed.  After a summary.

Summary:

1.  Go to sleep.  Tomorrow will be better because of it.

2.  If you are a Christian, think hard about being baptized as a public declaration of what you are already living.

3.  My son, sister and brother-in-law are awesome and I love em.

4. Don't start sentences with, "No offense but...", or "I don't mean to sound like a jerk but..."

I know this was all over the place tonight, but I didn't make any promises that these blogs would be good, or useful! 

In the words of Jim Rome, "GOOD NIGHT NOW!"

I Don't Care What Other People Think! I am rattled by YOLO..

Students at the high school I work at had their last day of classes today.  A couple weeks of exams and we're off for another summer.  Graduates are obviously never back again.  Grad was a strangely awesome and also anticlimactic event.  I remember that first summer after I graduated as nothing really different than normal in my mind.  It really was weird moving to Lethbridge, and starting university, that's when I really realized things were different.  Meeting new people and all that.  Man I loved university.  I loved high school too.

Once I went to university I met a lot of different people. Some of whom did not have the same thoughts as I had.  Profs and people who challenged a whole lot of my thinking. I remember through the years really having to work out what I was about. (Still am obviously, that's what this whole blog thing is about)  A lot of us I'm sure have noticed a quote here and there like the one I have a the top of this post.  Here's another couple of them...

It seems like I have seen and heard many posts lately about how the most important thing is to not care about what other people think of you.  These quotes that are framed in artzy or cool graphic design format.  Basically they look pretty cool, or whimsical or something like that and they scream, "Listen to me!  I am a cool quote, that is well put together and I have an author's name that is familiar to most people.  This author's name is mainstream enough for people to know/think that the person is wise, even though most people have no clue what most of that author's work is about, yet, from your desire to want to be cultured, you will think, well that guy was a philosopher or great writer or something, therefore you must agree with his quote.  That is, if you want to believe yourself an enlightened person, and not some sheltered, conservative, stick in the mud.  You want to be cool with society right?  With the world right?"  That's what runs through my head when I read these great quotes sometimes.

You might think, "Wow, Jared is over thinking things again."  or "Jared, the quote has no hidden background agenda to make you feel like you aren't wise enough, they are just great quotes."  I agree with you who think those things most of the time, but when I see a theme like this multiple times I start to wonder about the validity of such things.

YOLO, (You Only Live Once, which I discovered a short while ago during my foray into Twitter) is a phrase that people put on twitter usually after they post something ridiculous that they did.  Sometimes it justifies an action.

Here is a Washington Post article about it if you want to read more about the phrase if you are as out of it as I was...  (Washington Post)

Anyway, the YOLO thing, the quotes, they sort of annoy me now.  The interesting thing to me is that the whole idea of telling people not to care what other people think actually completely contradicts the "Don't care what other people think" message.  It is inherent in the statement that I should not actually care what any of these quotes say because I don't need to care about what other people think about how my life should run.  "Jared!" you say, "The real message is NOT just about not caring at all what others think!"  Look, I get the main idea. I get it. What they (quotes, YOLO) are trying to say is, "Don't let people make you feel bad about yourself!  LIVE.  If people don't get you, that's o.k., you only need to be yourself." (I don't know if I can quote what quotes are saying, I'm pretty sure that isn't proper English and Greg Wolcott (teacher at our school who is gold) would kill me, but there it is.)
 
Great! That is truly a great message.  The problem is, when you truly get down to brass tacks (old school phrase for, "when you get right down to it") it is really is hard to define where society sets the "acceptable" standard for when you don't care what others think.  It is now a time where everything is o.k. for everyone because, "I feel good about it." 

In my opinion, I guess I think you really SHOULD care what other people think sometimes.  WHEN, is a bit of a debate, but you can't just get away with YOLOing your life away just because YOLO.  That's just stupid.  I need to care about what others think or I just become a jerk. (some of you may think that already, I sure hope not!)

My father-in-law is doing this Body by Vi challenge, and I am going to start it too because I have been a hypocrite with my first blog post about losing 50lbs.  I am ashamed to admit it, and fear that my other posts have no validity because I have been SUCH a hypocrite about it.  I have been working out pretty regularly but my diet gets away on me.  If I am honest, I am just selfish really.  I want something therefore I eat it.  YOLO.  FRICK.  I don't care what anyone else thinks, but where has that gotten me.  To Fatville.  It's a nice town, but I always feel like leaving that town.  It's like people that have always wanted to leave home and do something else but never got up the gumption (that's right, I used gumption) to get out of their job they don't like, take a risk and blow this joint.  Fatville is familiar to me and I am selfish because I act like I care about what is good for my kids and family, but can't win in that area of my life because I don't care what anyone else thinks.  Seriously, if Krista saw me in the shape I am in, she would not be impressed.  She would not be mad at me per se, she would be disappointed because she knew I could do better. I can do better.  So instead of YOLOing next time I see a pizza I am going to try and remember that I can't use YOLO as an excuse to just eat what I want.  I need to use it as an excuse to make myself the best I can in this one life.  "Why wouldn't you fight for the greatest achievement ever?" - Ray Lewis (watch the video here)

I guess what I am trying to say tonight is this.  I DO need to care what others think much of the time.  I also need to NOT care what others think some of the time.  Those two parts live in a strange balance that is different for all of us.  Live solely based on what other people think and you become a follower that never truly knows yourself.  Life solely for yourself and you will be a jerk that pushes people away as soon as they require work from you.  Where do you live in that mix?  Where do I live?  I need to think about that...

(PS - I am going to punch myself 9 times for the number of times I put in YOLO because I hate it so much.  Oops, that last one made it 10.  Dang it!)

Krista's Birthday was today...

I am sure that some of you know that it is Krista's birthday today, but many of you probably didn't know that.  This is the third of her birthdays since she passed away and it has almost been three years now since that day.  Mindmelting.

I wanted the kids and I to have positive traditions and one of them is that we go to the Rik's Grill to celebrate Krista's birthday.  For those of you that don't know Rik's, it is a steakhouse in Lethbridge that was built in the city's old water tower.  Some of you might think that is laughably lame and hard to believe.  One of my friends Tifarah from Vancouver was in Lethbridge for business and was meeting my kids, Krista's mom, and I for dinner at another place and she was a little lost driving.  I phoned her on her cell and said, "Hey, where are you?"  Tifarah in this bewildered, annoyed, confused tone said, "I'm near this thing that looks like a spaceship or something and I just drove to a Dodge dealership."  Laughing, I told her that it was the water tower restaurant and I could tell that she thought that was pretty goofy, her being a world traveler and from Vancouver and all.  Don't get me wrong, Tifarah is great, but it's pretty funny when she comes here, she's a bit out of her element being in our quaint 85,000 person city/town.  Hahaha, Tifarah if you read this, just know I love ya.  Anyway, back to the message at hand...

The kids love to eat at the water tower.  It's high above the city, and it's special. It's different. (It's also overpriced.)  They love it.  I asked the kids what their best memory of Krista because I want to make sure that we spend time on her on days like this.  Grace said that the thing she loved the most is, "When momma would tuck me in and lay down with me."  Jaxon said that, "There are way to many things that are great to pick one."  "Jax," I said, "What is the first thing you think of?"  "Her face." he said.  Soph is sitting there devouring her noodles half listening.  I used to almost cry when I would hear the kids talk about this, but this year was a little different.  Not because I am any less confused and saddened by this, but because I have come to a point where I seem to understand what my role is.  I didn't cry, I listened thoughtfully, and was thinking, but tears didn't come out this year.  I have heard the kids say these things and it doesn't catch me off guard as much I guess.

I was talking with my friends Tony and Christy Jansma and Ian Lawson tonight over supper.  We were talking about how I was today.  It really was hard to describe to them what it feels like this year.  It's not as hard I guess.  It's part of something I have been dealing with for a long time now so it doesn't smack me in the face all the time now.  To be honest, it's sort of O.K.  The problem with that, is that I think it's a little weird that it's not so weird, and then that makes me feel weird again if you get my meaning.  Coming to grips with the fact that it's O.K. to be O.K. is another step in the journey.

I hope you know what I mean.  I am pretty sure that if you have read any of my blogs that you understand how important Krista was and is to me.  I am not tossing her memory aside because I don't want to deal with it, far from it.  I thank God that I have had so many friends and family that have supported me in my dealing with this.  I think that is why it is sort of O.K.  It's because I have had the opportunity to deal with and work out stresses and feelings that I feel O.K.  I miss her like nobody's business, but there is only so far that you can continue to have that at the forefront of your life before you stop yourself from living the way it has been intended by God for you to attempt to live.  I need to live my life.

I don't want my kids to forget who she was, but the reality is that Soph will never know her mother personally.  This is a big piece of garbage that I will never understand as part of the fabric of my life, and Soph's life.  The thing is, I have a job to do along with all the people who loved Krista. To introduce Krista to Soph in a way so that she can know the essence of her, and be able to appreciate who she was without seeing her mom as this saint who was perfect all the time.  I need to do this with Jax and Grace as well.  I mean what do you really remember about your parents when you were 6 or 4?  That is how old Jax and Grace were.  You probably remember a few specific memories, but more than that, you remember whether you were loved, or not loved.  My kids will always know that their mom loved them.  Soph will understand that through Jax and Grace and myself and family and friends.  In my opinion, it is really important that the picture painted of her is a real one though.

I will not deify her.  I refuse to put her up on a pedestal in ways that will give the kids an unrealistic understanding of who their mother was.  I am obviously not going to portray her poorly all the time, but I will share with them her brilliance, beauty and grace,  as well as her quirks and some of her shortcomings. (When it needs to be done)  I do this for multiple reasons.  Krista was a humble woman.  She did not like undue attention.  She liked to be recognized for hard work but in and understated kind of way.  She was more comfortable away from the limelight, but wasn't afraid of it if she needed to be in it.  If I was to gush about her everyday to the kids as though she was this perfect human, I think she would kick me in the face when I see her later when this earth is remade and things are cool, and say, "What were you trying to do there?  You know I don't like that "over the top" stuff."  Another thing that is important about painting a REAL picture is that I also don't want my kids to have unrealistic expectations for themselves.  To live up to someone who is lifted up in their eyes to unrealistic heights would only depress them if they weren't able to reach those heights themselves.  I don't want that and Krista wouldn't either.  They need to know she was real.  That she loved people in a REAL way.  That she made mistakes and learned from them and related to people by sharing in the imperfections.  That she trusted God, gave her life to Jesus, because she wasn't perfect.  That Jesus was the answer for her because she wasn't perfect.  That she lived her life in light of that promise of forgiveness from God, and that is what spurred her on to love so many others.

I have a hard time trying to figure out what love means when it is with a memory.  I love the memory of Krista and I love what that memory teaches me today, but I have a hard time trying to figure out what the word "love" means when it isn't actively working towards someone here and now.  Whatever it means, I know that Krista's influence on the life of my children and I, is something that will always be a part of us.  I guess that's love.  Being part of people's lives.  Sharing in life.  Love is a great thing.

I received a number of messages from people who let me know that they were thinking and praying for me today because they knew about the birthday.  Thank you for showing me love.  Thank you for sharing in my life, good times and bad.  Thank you so much.  I hope you know I love you all right back.

I Don't Know What To Write Tonight...

I felt like sitting down and writing some stuff but as I sit here I can't think of  anything specific I want to write about.  Some weeks a thought has been sitting in my mind, but this week I have been a bit under the weather (feeling a bit better now) and I just have felt mentally tired.  I have been planning all kinds of stuff for the summer. I hate doing that, but love what comes of it.  I think I don't like to commit sometimes because I like to have an excuse for not having to make things work out sometimes.   If I never really commit, I don't have to live up to any expectations.

Krista liked to make decisions, sometimes this was a good thing, and sometimes I think my methodical way of flogging an issue to death until it almost had no relevance anymore was more the way to go.  I now have to make all the decisions.  I have friends and family that give me advice when I ask, but ultimately it comes down to me.  I have a faith in Jesus Christ. This is what I lean on.  I can't remember what book I read it in, I am pretty sure it was Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, but I remember the author talking about how being able to leave things to God can make our decisions easier.  If we had to make all our decisions and truly realize that each decision could change the course of our lives, we would be overcome by the pressure and find it hard to make a decision either way.  Some of you may disagree because you don't believe in God, and you feel like you are equipped to make decisions and you can deal with whatever comes.  I guess I have a hard time with that and I like to believe there is Someone to lean on.

Think of all the seemingly random things that have happened in your life.  I mean, I thought when I was in high school that the only girl for me was going to be Erin Bruins.  She was great.  She really, really was. When I was in high school and she was in college (Yes, you read that right, I had a girlfriend in college when I was in high school. Fellas you can slap me on the back and congratulate me the next time you see me.  For all the women out there, you can roll your eyes at my not so thinly veiled bragging attempt.)  She was all of 5'4" and played soccer for Medicine Hat College.  I thought we would be together forever when I was in high school, and we were together for about 2 years.  From my Grade 12 year to the beginning of my second year of university.  I loved her.  I think many of the people reading this may have had a "first love" at one point in your life.  Thing is, times changed, I went to U of L and she transferred to U of C and I stayed at U of L and things just didn't work. Hilarious story that involves Krista and Erin though.  I remember when Krista and I were just friends, I caught a ride with Krista's mom and her to Calgary to visit Erin one weekend when Krista was going home and I remember the conversation driving up.  I was describing Erin to Krista's mom, saying how she was short and blonde and that I could never see myself with someone who was really tall or with brown hair.  Never. Hahahha, that came back to bite me didn't it?!

It just happened that after my first year at school Krista phoned me in the summer and we had a great conversation, we weren't into each other or anything, it was just a great talk.  I remember being really excited to get back to school and see Krista, just to hang out to be honest.

About a month or two into school that second year having a revelation of sorts.  I think that as much as Erin and I cared about each other, we both knew it wasn't really working to where we were happy in our situation, it was kind of like work for the sake of making it work.  I remember at this point one night having this epiphany, "WHAT ABOUT KRISTA?  HOW COULD YOU HAVE NOT NOTICED HER? YOU DUMMY!"  I saw Krista in a completely different light all of a sudden.  Erin and I broke up before Krista and I started dating, but it was only a few weeks until we had our first date.  (I'll admit, it was a quick move on and a bit of a dog thing to do having a first date a couple of weeks later, Krista never initiated it though, I did.)  I was going to make Krista supper, but I had sprained my ankle severely in practice and I honestly could barely stand, so I ordered pizza and put some candles in some two litre pop bottles (college people have NO extra money as many of you know) and we watched a movie.  I don't remember the movie because I was too busy navigating when to try and hold her hand or whatever.  I asked her if I could kiss her, she said yes, and that was awesome.  Some of you may be thinking this a bit lame and all, but that's how it went and that was just fine by me.  After that we had some ups and downs and about 3 or 4 breakups, (some of which I am sure I will write about at some point),  before we got married.  I just could not be without her, she made me a better man, she was brilliant, I just flat out loved her.  She felt the same about me.  May 29th is our wedding anniversary.  Weird.  Hard. 

Erin actually phoned my house the night of that date with Krista.  I picked up the phone (no call display back in the day for all you kids wondering why I would pick up if I knew it was Erin, in the Stone Age you picked up the phone every time!) and said, "Hello?". "Hi Jared, it's Erin" (awkward.)  "Heyyyyyy Erin..."  "What are you up to?" she says.  Me, "Well, Krista is over actually right now...."  her-"Oh."  Me- "Yah, so, um, I guess I will talk to you later..."  The conversation ended pretty quick after that.  "Who was that?" Krista says.  "Well that was Erin.  Sorry about that."  I guess she couldn't have been too rattled because she kissed me.  Yes.

Why tell you all this?  I don't know, I guess it's because if Krista had never come from Calgary to Lethbridge I would never have met her.  If I had never gone to U of L I would likely never have met her.  If we had not talked that summer, maybe we wouldn't have gotten off to being such great friends.  If I wasn't so impossibly good looking maybe none of this would have happened? (I kid, I kid...put that in there to see if you are still reading)  You get what I mean I am sure.  Each decision we make can be life changing.  One thing leads to another, which leads to another.  If we have complete control over our destiny then each decision I make could potentially be the greatest or worst decision for my life forever.  One little mistake could take me down a path that leads to horrible things for my life.  THAT IS STRESSFUL to think about.  That is why I find comfort in God.  I love that the Bible says that,  "...all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. Romans 8:28"  Some of you might think that is a load of B.S. because that means that only good things would happen to people who were Christian and that is an elitist and exclusive way of looking at things, not to mention impossible, because good things can happen to all people.  That verse doesn't mean that all things work together so that people who love God can FEEL good all the time.  It is talking about how God can be involved in your situation to allow you to see past it.  To see a broader picture other than your situation.  An eternal perspective, as my friend Sid Koop says.  Obviously I look at my situation and wonder how the emotional pain and stress and feeling of being "different" as widower at 35 fits in to Gods broader picture.  What would my life have looked like if Krista and I had decided not to have Sophie?  I DON'T KNOW.  I can't ask myself that question because I have a precious little girl but lost a precious life because of it.  I wouldn't trade Soph, make no mistake.  Soph is the result of the love Krista and I had for each other, we made that decision together, and I have a faith that Krista is with Christ.  WE wanted Soph, so I would lose my frickin' marbles if I was to continue to revisit that, and I would never take joy in the daily things Soph does that bring our family joy.

There are many hard teachings in Christianity, and many of them deal with, and kind of go against, the central questions that North Americans ask all the time, "What's in it for me?" "Why me?"  "What does this mean for my happiness?"  I am not addressing those today, all I am saying at this point is that I believe in a God that can help me make decisions, through Biblical advice or principles.  I think God has influence in this world.  That it hasn't totally gone sideways.  That helps me not be overwhelmed when making decisions.  Remembering that I believe that is the trick when I am faced with a decision that is seemingly all mine though...

To finish off the story, Erin is married to a great guy and he and her have 4 kids. (I think that is the right number!)  Krista and I went to their wedding (way back in the day) and it was obvious the love they had for each other.  Our breakup was the right thing to do for us at that time, and our lives are completely different. I haven't touched base with them in a long time.  Too long probably.  She and her husband sent me a CD of the band Plumb with a selection of songs that spoke to them when they were thinking and praying for me when Krista passed away.  That was cool of them, I appreciated it a lot. 

I just realized that I guess I figured out what to write about tonight.  Thanks for reading if you made it this far.