I know at some point in your life you have probably had thoughts about how many seconds are ticking off your clock. Each second that you won't get back again. It happens when you watch a crappy movie, or sit through a boring meeting.
It also happens when you are experiencing great things. A beautiful sunset, a kiss that makes your heart pound, a remarkable dinner. When I see my kids do something I am proud of, or so cute it's impossible to imagine a more pure moment in time. These are the moments when I am keenly aware that the seconds are passing. I want to stop the clock, and go out of time to preserve them, to linger just a little longer.
The fact that we can't hold onto those moments is precisely the reason that they are so meaningful.
The dawn of the New Year is a natural time to reflect on these types of moments. Both the good, and the bad. It's time for us to reflect on the humdrum moments too. The day to day grind type moments, like writing things on your calendar or driving to work.
It's also a time of renewed hope. I don't think New Year's resolutions are bad at all. I wrote my first blog post about losing 50lbs a few years ago. Does it hurt that my number is now 65lbs? (Ok, 70) Yes. It hurts so bad! But dang it, I'm not just throwing in the towel on this area of my life.
This past year had ups and downs, just like all yours have had. The start of the year saw me a little depressed to be honest, not sure of what I was doing exactly. Just wasn't sure about how I wanted to navigate the changing feel of my family. Jax was finishing elementary, Grace was leaving lower elementary and Soph was finishing pre-school. The family that started out on the journey without Krista 5 years ago is not the same family that I had in January of 2014.
Obviously aging and changing is a natural thing, but I had a kind of system I had developed that worked, but life was changing. Therefore, the system needed to change. I know this is life, but I don't really like change. Embracing change is something that takes a lot of energy for me.
I went to see a counsellor again just to work through some of my many thoughts about life at that time and it was a great thing for me. I realized that my thoughts were headed in the right direction, that we were going to be fine in terms of the overall sense family. I figured out a health plan (not that I have frickin' maintained it well enough, but at least I determined something that will work!) and it was great.
I have advocated for this before, but if you have had a rough go, talking to someone who has the training to help you distill your thoughts is a good thing. Nothing wrong with admitting that a counsellor can contribute in a positive way in your life. A mentor, a life coach, whatever floats your boat. They can be a sounding board that your friends and family can't sometimes.
I sat down with my kids and figured out summer holidays and other goals that our family had and that was great too. Grace still wanted to dance, Jax wanted to play basketball, Soph wanted to do gymnastics. They all wanted to spend time in the hot tub. (best investment ever) They wanted to see family and friends. So we travelled to the west coast to visit Grandpa Robson and Auntie Jill in the summer. We went to Seattle for a few days and ate in the Space Needle. (beautiful view) We went to some friends' on Vancouver Island and stayed at their beautiful place. (you have to have an adventure on a gravel road to get there but it's beyond beautiful) We also met up with an old basketball buddy, and toured around Victoria. (If you want to see many pictures from the year you can go to my Instagram account. Just search for me or my user name @jheiding)
We love having people over for supper or lunch, or brunch, or breakfast. The kids love it, and so do I, and we did a TON of that too.
We spent a lot of time with family and friends.
I was asked to speak by the Grad committee at our high school so speak at Grad. A commencement address type talk. It was a HUGE honour. Seeing students graduate is one of the most fun schooldays of the year, I'm proud of all these kids. So to be asked to speak by the students to give that talk is something I will always remember. Also, it's probably the only time I will get to bring a Gandalf staff and a lightsaber in front of that many people. (If you click on the picture you can read what I said if you have any interest in that sort of thing.)
Jax, Grace and Soph all had great spring and fall semesters in school. Well, they don't really have semesters, but I do, so I think of them in those terms. Jax has loved middle school and plays volleyball and basketball so far. I'm making him try out for all the teams since I never really wanted to try out for basketball when I was in junior high, my parents encouraged me strongly to do so, and I ended up loving it forever. So Jax is trying out. He liked volleyball and he loves bball, but who knows, maybe he'll kill at badminton!
Grace loves dance and participates in Hip Hop with Expressions Dance. The girls that run this dance company are solid, SOLID people and I never have to worry about my kid dancing to some horrible song with questionable lyrics. I like that. The dance doesn't suffer, but the kids are learning that they don't have to shake it to some nasty, sexualized music.
Soph is loving life and loves gymnastics once a week and is starting to like swimming lessons like the other kids. Soph is a goof and is in the stage where she is testing out the difference between obeying and the opposite of that. :) She still loves her time with Simone (the best nanny on the planet) and when she is not at kindergarten she is helping at home or playing Barbies, or Play-doh, or making someone a card, or pretend cooking.
Simone our nanny is one of the greatest people on the planet. I have no idea what I would do without her and I don't want to think about it. I'm quite certain that when she is done her time with us, hopefully when she is 100, she will disappear like Yoda in Return of the Jedi, and become one with The Force. Either that or she will unfurl an umbrella and float into the sky a la Mary Poppins. Either way she is unreal.
Our family is so important to us. We all love those in our immediate family and those friends who are so much in our lives that they are adopted family. So many friends have continued to support my kids and me.
Oh, and one more little thing that happened this year...
Let's start like this,
"But then something happened that the Ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable. A hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire. For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the fortunes of all..." - Galadriel (The Lord Of The Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring - Movie)
This quote is somewhat how I would describe what happened to me in February. Except that what happened is not evil like the Ring in the stories brings. Quite the opposite. It's the unexpected joy and hope that came into my life. I had not expected relationship, nor had I been seeking it out. For me, if a relationship arrived in my life again after Krista, it would not be because of eHarmony. I just felt like my the amount of time I have with my family is precious at this point in my lives of my children, and I wasn't going to spend a dedicated amount of it to finding someone.
So....
I was giving a talk at Teachers' Convention about the uses of Twitter in the classroom and in education. I went to set up for the talk and I saw a couple teacher friends before it started. They were sitting with someone I did not know, and they introduced me to her. "This is Carianne." they said. Now Carianne attends the church that I go to, and we have some mutual friends so I knew her name, but did not know her, nor had I ever met her.
I talked to Carianne for a couple seconds and then set up my talk, which she attended. She's a grade 7 Social Studies and Language Arts teacher at the feeder school to the high school I work at. We talked briefly after my session and I remember thinking, "Hmm...Something's different with her...". Hahahaha, I just realized you could read that two ways. She wasn't different in a mentally unstable way, like, "Something's DIFFERENT about that one!". No, it was a different like, "Hmm, I can't put my finger on it, but I hope it's not the last time I see her..." kind of way.
About a month later after just talking via Twitter and e-mail, I asked if she would like to go for coffee and just hang out as friends. In fact, right in the e-mail I said, "I am not trying to procure a date with you." #truestory
We talked for three hours, covered a myriad of topics, and I appreciated how open she was. We talked about faith, loss, parenting (she has a 3yr old son), teaching, food, friends, family. We talked and talked and then we prayed together in a booth in the Moxie's lounge. (That might be weird to you, but to me, it was just the perfect ending to that night.)
I asked her if she wanted to get together again the next Friday. Then after that we got together the next Friday then the next, the next, next, next, next...
Both her and I understand each other on many different levels. We see eye to eye on many, and have great discussions about the few we don't. She is smart. She is beautiful. Honestly though, and I'm not trying to be cheesy here, but, her beauty is like a bonus. It's an add on to what I find amazing about her. She respects my family and Krista's family and who Krista was to my kids and to me. My kids think she is awesome. She has a grace about her I cannot describe.
You could say it's going good. :)
I would say this is the biggest new development in MY life during the last 31,557,600 seconds. My kids have continued to change and grow and learn and fail and succeed, and I'm not sure what's in store for this next year.
I guess there's nothing to do but find out? I suppose life really is about finding out what's coming. You can control some of it and there is a lot you can't. Sometimes I like that adventure, sometimes it scares me. I want to let you all know again that I appreciate your friendship and support. Whatever comes our way this year, and I mean OUR collective year, not just my family's, that if you need something, or want to talk, please don't hesitate to send a message or call.
Good luck to you all this next year. Love ya.
