Proposing to Krista - New Year's Eve - 1998

December 31st 1998 was important to me.  When I played basketball in university we always went to the University of Winnipeg tournament at Christmas and always came back on New Year's Eve.  This New Year's Eve was different for me.  It's the day I proposed to Krista.  I guess you could say that proposal started the summer before when I went on a trip with Athletes In Action (a Christian sports ministry) to India and Thailand.

Just before I left,  Krista and I had tension in our relationship. We had been together for a couple of years (with a few breaks in the middle of those years, but that's another couple of stories...) and we were coming to the point in our relationship where we needed to commit to each other for real, for good, or risk not getting closer, and thus more annoying to each other until we broke up. This will be really conservative and old fashioned to some of you, but I think you should be married before you live together and need that commitment to have a deeper physical and spiritual relationship.  I know that marriage today doesn't seem like much of a commitment anymore to about 50% of the population that gets married because that's the percent that gets divorced, but I still think this way. Like the other 50%.  Now don't let me act all pious and try and fool you that Krista and I remained "pure" in our physical relationship before we were married.  We messed around here and there, but I wish I hadn't now.  Either way, I didn't feel right about that physical stuff, neither did Krista, and we both knew that marriage was the next right step in both our minds.  We needed to commit to each other for our relationship to grow in ways that we both wanted it too, that just dating couldn't resolve.  We knew that to work on goals and dreams that marriage provided the platform we both wanted to see in place to foster those things.  The thing is, Krista knew this FAR earlier than I did. She was ready to marry me. (Poor Girl!) I was rattled to make that commitment.  I loved Krista, no question about it.  I honestly was just a little rattled at that big of a decision, and I had it in my mind that I needed to get a job, and graduate, and then once that worked out, then we could get married.  I honestly don't know why I had those ideas, but I did and they were real. 

Anyway, when I left for Athletes in Action training camp and said goodbye to Krista, I honestly thought, "This trip is going to tell the tale man.  You need to sort this out.  Depending on what happens on this trip in your emotions and thoughts, you have to make a decision."  I was looking for clarity.  Nothing like doing missions with a group of great guys to get your head on straight!  As it would happen, two of the guys on my team, Mano Watsa, and Derek Maat, had just been married and we talked a lot about it.  Mano said to me, "You have to think to yourself, when Krista is at her worst, do you still want to be with her?" My answer was YES, well maybe more of a Yes, not quite all capitals, all emphatic like that.  Another thing they talked to me about was that if you wanted to be with someone, then having a job, or being graduated doesn't amount to a hill of beans really.  If you want to be with someone, you go through things together.  Nothing else matters but being together.  Going through the struggles of life together is what marriage is really all about.  (High school kids in love, I don't think you quite know what "Going through life together" means yet, so don't get married in high school.)  Well, I remembered calling Krista, it was from India somewhere, and letting her know that I loved her so much, and I could marry her tomorrow.

Guys, let me tell you something.  Don't tell a girl that you are ready to marry her tomorrow if you don't have a plan for when that "tomorrow" really is.  I really did love Krista and I knew I wanted to marry her, but I didn't have money for a ring yet, and I was getting into my last season of basketball in university and I was trying to sort out when to ask this girl to marry me.  Krista wanted it to be immediate.  I DID tell her that I could marry her "tomorrow".  That meant tomorrow to her.  I don't think anyone would really accuse Krista of being a really patient person when she wanted something.  If they did, they she would be wrongly accused because she was not patient much of the time.

Anyway, the semester went on and I came up with a plan.  I was going to propose on New Year's Eve.  I bought a ring with my trusty buddy John Tschritter right beside me.  Then waited. The thing is, Krista was done waiting.  It was especially bad when her parents came to Medicine Hat (my hometown) for Christmas for both our families to be together and I did not propose.  Oh man, that was bad.  Her parents, sister and all my family knew when I was going to do it, but for her that was impossibly hard on her.  I remembered her saying to me, "When are you going to ask me?"  I remember saying, "Do you want it to be awesome or do you just want me to chuck the ring at you?"  Of course she didn't answer me because she knew it was rhetorical, but I also knew that I needed to end the rhetoric real quick.  REAL. QUICK.

Fortunately I left the next day for Winnipeg for the tournament, and here's how I proposed to my wife.

I left the ring before we left in the capable hands of Christine Rollingson, wife of my team mate and now everyone's favorite dentist, Tim Rollingson.  Why did I leave the ring with her?  Have you been to downtown Winnipeg?  I wasn't leaving that ring in my hotel room for 5 days to have it stolen or get lost.  The plan was for her to give me the ring when I got off  the plane when we got back.  After the tournament, in which I played awesome, (had to put that in because it's true, and I am hanging on to the fact that I once was an elite athlete)  we boarded the plane back to Lethbridge, and when we changed planes in Calgary, I bought a dozen roses from the airport florist.  When we flew back to Lethbridge, I gave each of the guys on my team one of the roses and they all came out of the plane in a line in front of me, each handing Krista a rose as they came out.  I wanted the guys on my team to be involved because they were like extended family to me.  She was so distracted by the roses that she didn't see Christine come and sneak me the ring. (Sidenote: when Krista and Christine were hanging out waiting for us, Christine stoked the fire by asking Krista, "So did Jared propose yet?" (all the while holding the ring in her pocket) Krista responded a bit dejectedly with a sigh, "No, not yet...")

All the guys gave her a rose, and then I came with the last one, got on one knee, and asked the question.  "Krista, I love you, will you marry me?" "YES!" was the answer, and then I tried put the ring on her finger.  Well, I tried to put the ring on her finger, but it was a little small.  "I can get it resized Krista, if it..."   "Jared, IT FITS." Krista JAMMED that sucker on there.  Hahahahaha, a couple days later she had to go to the jeweler, get it cut off because it was cutting off circulation, and then get it resized.  Remember that patience thing I was telling you about before?

My coach had called the Herald to let them know that I was going to be doing this and they came and did a story on it for the paper the next day.  He had someone video tape it for us too.  Thanks again Coach! That meant so much to me.  So who was the lead story on January 1st 1999? 

 

I will remember that day for the rest of my life.  I am sitting here crying right now, I wish I could look back at this with her.  I haven't cried like this for a few months.  I miss her.  I miss that smile.

Anyway, the rest of the night was vintage poor university student date material.  We went to Boston Pizza to celebrate and one of my buddies, Jason Peters, who is gold, had set up a little table out of the way for us. He had set a single birthday candle on a plate (with melted wax it stood up.) to provide mood lighting.  It was awesome.  We had dessert, and it was a great night. 

So, as you enter this new year, I hope your life is filled with love.  I am in a place now where I truly think I want something like this in my life again.  I don't know how that looks, nor do I know if I am ready for something like that.  I am sure that I think I want to be in a place where I want it though.  If there is nothing like this again in my life, I will be sad about that in some respects I think.  But, I will love life.  I feel very loved by my friends and family.  There is such a difference in being loved by someone where you feel special, the only one, set apart.  I miss being loved by, and showing love to, Krista.  Maybe sometime in my life it happens again.  Maybe not.

One thing I want young people in love and thinking about marriage or commitment to think about is this.  Is the person you are with someone you want to go through the hardships of life with?  Can you count on them?
Do you trust them with your soul?  With your heart's desires?  If you don't, don't commit to them.  Hold out for the person who you can do that with. (It may be the same person, just not right now.)  Look, no one is going to be perfect and everyone lets each other down once and a while. But, if there is a lingering doubt in the character of the other person, (you know what I mean, that doubt that you keep trying to convince yourself doesn't exist) don't put yourself in the spot to create pain in your life through the problem of mistrust. Being single is better than being trapped in a relationship where you are living in fear of what the other person's commitment is.  If you are married, and it has been some time since you felt connected on that level,  encourage you to work at it.  Get counseling, talk, go on a trip, do something to get back to why you married each other.

 

I will leave you with this.  I wish you a happy and healthy New Year! and if anyone wants to steal this idea to use as their own, I will gladly help you figure out the details.   I love this stuff.